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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Dec 25, 2010 11:39:54 GMT -5
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Dec 26, 2010 12:19:00 GMT -5
Yee HAW! yeep it's anuter pic of me:  |
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Dec 27, 2010 16:36:52 GMT -5
What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job,
and refuses to retire?
Flat broke
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Dec 27, 2010 17:07:31 GMT -5
Why are retired people who are misers with their money so special?
They make wonderful ancestors.
'i'm still trying to decide who gets, why they should or shouldn't, what have they done for me accept cost me money, 'i'll probably die first & Jo Anne can decide - 'i'll be gone so it don't make a 'damn' bit of difference to me...'i' can't do noth'n with it!
[shadow=red,left,300]NO! 'i'm not putting 'U' in my will![/shadow]
Highlight it if 'U' can't read it!
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Dec 27, 2010 17:14:11 GMT -5
What is the typical retiree's greatest frustration?
Not being able to complete all the things he had planned to do that don't need to get done in the first place.
"2" 'me' they do! & that's what matters!
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Jan 11, 2011 16:35:59 GMT -5
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Jan 12, 2011 13:56:42 GMT -5
ROMANCE, SENIOR-STYLE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said : "Then you use to bite my neck"
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Jan 14, 2011 8:31:24 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]This should make you smile: [/glow]
SERENITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home , is it?
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,
' For fast relief .'
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Jan 17, 2011 14:35:08 GMT -5
Subject: OLD FOLKS
SMART ASS
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their "soon-to-be" new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and
in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "Must be doing well...Only two left."
I can do that!
Moral: DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE
ain't that right Lu Lu?
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Jan 29, 2011 17:14:49 GMT -5
]
YEP! it ain't noth'n special!
it's how 'i'[ do it!]
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Post by LuLu on Mar 22, 2011 23:59:13 GMT -5
Retirement Village People
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Patty
Full Member
Love Live & Learn
Posts: 161
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Post by Patty on Mar 23, 2011 18:47:33 GMT -5
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Post by LuLu on Mar 24, 2011 12:50:01 GMT -5
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Patty
Full Member
Love Live & Learn
Posts: 161
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Post by Patty on Mar 26, 2011 11:52:22 GMT -5
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Post by LuLu on Mar 26, 2011 18:36:56 GMT -5
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