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Post by LuLu on Feb 11, 2013 3:02:01 GMT -5
Meaning of Dreams
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
What do you think it means?"
"You shall know tonight", he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. She found a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
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Post by LuLu on Feb 12, 2013 1:27:40 GMT -5
Valentines Gift
Jonny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That was very kind of you,' Jonny added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'
Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'
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Post by LuLu on Feb 13, 2013 1:53:35 GMT -5
Four-year-old Sam loved candy almost as much as his mom Sally did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Sam was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Sally said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."
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Post by LuLu on Feb 14, 2013 2:40:33 GMT -5
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Post by LuLu on Feb 15, 2013 2:09:45 GMT -5
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Post by LuLu on Feb 16, 2013 15:59:10 GMT -5
Rednecks Magic Elevator
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.
The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.
"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.
Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.
The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.
They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.
The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
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Post by LuLu on Feb 18, 2013 1:51:34 GMT -5
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Post by LuLu on Feb 19, 2013 1:30:22 GMT -5
Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
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Post by LuLu on Feb 20, 2013 1:16:21 GMT -5
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all walking along together when they encounter a slide in front of a magic pool.
The Englishman decides to give it a try and shouts as he slides down "Beer!" and lands in a pool of beer.
The Scotsman sees this and has a go himself. As he slides down cries out "Whiskey!", and lands in a pool of whiskey.
The Irishman, having seen this, decides to have a go to, as it looks like fun. As he slides down, he cries out "Weeeeeee!"
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Feb 20, 2013 13:03:13 GMT -5
Does not classify as a joke
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Post by LuLu on Feb 21, 2013 13:46:55 GMT -5
John gingerly walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store “I would like to buy my wife a pretty pink scarf. ” “How cute” exclaimed the sales lady, ”sounds like it’s going to be a great surprise.” “It sure is” said John “she’s expecting a new car!”
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Feb 21, 2013 15:31:50 GMT -5
Does not classify as a joke ditto |
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Post by LuLu on Feb 22, 2013 11:23:57 GMT -5
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Post by Hoosier Hillbilly on Feb 22, 2013 15:54:25 GMT -5
.
Two Hillbillies, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" asked Bubba.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do," answered the hillbilly.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good," the hillbilly responded in awe.
The professor continued, "Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."
Impressed, the hillbilly shouted, "GAWL-LEEE!!"
"And since you own a house, and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"Betty Mae! This is incredible!" (Bubba is obviously catching on.)
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thang I ever heard of. I can't wait to take this here logic class."
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin?" he asks.
"Math, history, and logic," replies Bubba.
"What in tarnation is logic?"
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"
Cooter replies "no."
"You're a homosexual, ain't ya?"
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Post by LuLu on Feb 22, 2013 17:09:00 GMT -5
Three Guys On A Plane
There were three guys on a plane. One bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet. He threw it out the window. The second guy bit into a lemon, thought it was too sour, threw it out the window. The third guy bit into a grenade, thought it was too crunchy and threw it out the window.
When the plane landed, they got off and saw a lil girl crying. they ask, "lil girl, why are u crying?" She says, " An apple fell out of the sky and hit my cow on the head and now he's dead." Then the men see a lil boy crying. The men ask, "lil boy, why are u crying?" The lil boy says," A lemon fell out of the sky and hit my dog on the head and now she's dead" The men keep walking until they find a blond woman laughing histarically. They ask," woman, why are u laughing so histarically?" She says,"I just farted and that building blew up" :
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